Old Car. New Dreams.

My first car was a brown 1974 Honda Civic, with a stylish orange pinstripe. Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say "had a stylish orange pinstripe". Some of the stripe had come off from years of washing the sand and salt off in the winter and from baking in the sun all summer. Upon reconsideration, the word "stylish" could also be removed, for obvious reasons! The interior was dingy black with plenty of dusty looking spaces (unlike our sleek, built-in dashboards of today) and an AM radio with five push buttons. Oh yeah!

Before you assume too much, let me tell you that the car and I were born in the same decade. I will not confirm which of us was older, but I can tell you that this was not a COOL car when I got it! (It did get a little cooler when we installed a tape deck. Yep. I used "cool" and "tape deck" in the same sentence!)

I inherited it due to necessity. My brother needed a ride to school, and I needed to go in the same direction...and had my license. Why not?

In retrospect, there were actually quite a few reasons that should have been on the "why not" list.

I've come up with just a few:

• I had no experience driving in the mountains, as we had just moved from the prairies.

• I had no experience driving a stick shift.

• Have you ever driven an old stick shift up a hill and stopped at a red light ? Better yet, have you ever tried to get an old stick shift car moving when stopped on a hill? It is almost impossible to move forward without rolling backwards first. Add traffic behind you on the hill and it is a recipe for disaster!

• Winter lasts at least 5 months, with fresh snow every few days and slush or ice the rest of the time.

• Oh, and I was 16!!!

All those reasons seem pretty legit to me this week. Really solid reasons why I should not have been driving, in fact.

What were my parents thinking?

You may be wondering why I am thinking of this now. Seems a little bit like old news.

Two reasons.

• When I was in a history class observing, the teacher commented on his "Honda Civic Clown Car" during a lesson that made me remember my first little car.

• My calendar has an event this week called "Addysen's DMV Appointment" that has me stressing a little.
  

It's interesting how handing over keys seems so simple when you are on the receiving end. Now that I am on the other side, I'm not so sure. I've been processing this idea since my baby girl turned 15 and I'm still not quite there. In fact, I have started considering all the reasons why teenagers should NOT drive (I have a great list if you need it for future family conversations in your home).

And yet, despite my doubt, worry and fear, the appointment for my daughter to get her Permit remains on my calendar. The plan for driver's lessons is in the works and discussions on where and when to practice are a regular source of entertainment at the dinner table.

As much as we resist, despite our desire for stability and sameness, regardless of our fears and doubts, life just continues to move forward.

It pushes us to let go, while we strive to hang on just a while longer.

It requires us to look forward, although looking back has taught us much.

And, if we take the time, life lets us find joy in the old and the new, the past and the future, the present challenges and its gifts.

This week, I hope you find joy in all that life brings, that you take time to celebrate where you've been and who you've become, while looking hopefully into the future.

My future hope is that my daughter becomes a better driver than I was at that age. My fabulous brown chariot became scrap metal soon after my first and only accident. It was my fault. I was 16.

Find joy.

Kim